On Sunday-- Mother's Day-- we dedicated Augy at our church. It's something I've seen done over and over my entire life in church, and it seems ever so completely surreal that it was me up there with my son in my arms on Sunday.
Besides feeling surreal, here's how else dedicating my child felt: Sweaty, from trying to keep Augy quiet in the service up until the dedication, a bit like a juggling act passing Augy between myself, Neal, and Pastor Brian, and feeling how bright the lights actually are in your eyes when you're up front. Still special though, most definitely. In a sweaty sort of way.
The verses we chose for Augy's dedication are also the verses from the reference that is engraved on the inside of my wedding band, Psalm 19:7-14. It's my favorite passage in all of Scripture and has been for probably the last 11 years or so. I first fell in love with the passage my second year of college. I printed it out and slipped it into the cover of my binder that I carried everywhere for school.
The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple;
the precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes;
the fear of the Lord is clean,
the rules of the Lord are true,
and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold,
even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
and drippings of the honeycomb.
Moreover, by them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
Choosing this passage for August and his dedication got me reading it again, and it reminds me of when I was pregnant with Augy. What I remember is that when I tried to pray for my unborn baby, I was so surprised that all I could find myself praying for was that he would know and love Jesus so deeply. Everything else literally paled in comparison that I couldn't even pray for those things. I guess I was surprised because I'm a person who cares about those things.
Those things like health, good friends, great school experiences, good grades, a fulfilling career, a wonderful spouse, on and on. And it's not like I won't do everything in my power to give August those things. Heaven knows I'm into it all. And heaven knows I have never felt more devoted to a creature in my life than this child.
But the thing I know too well in 30 short years of life-- the terrible wonderful-- is that circumstances come and go. I also know that bad things happen to good people. And that good people make bad choices sometimes. That the world is full of heartache and toil and trouble and tragedy amongst its more pretty moments. And that he will be no more in ultimate control of all of this than I am.
My prayer for him is that he know the Jesus who is an anchor for the soul in this terrible wonderful. If he does, then I know he will be ok no matter what. If he does, then I know he will be spiritually alive, wise and rejoicing in heart, bright-eyed and confident that his life is centered around what is true, lasting, and void of evil. That he will be satisfied much deeper and more richly than riches can ever provide, and that he will taste sweet reward in this life and most assuredly in the next.