Monday, August 26, 2013
Earlier that evening Neal picked me up from my 39 week OB appointment. When I slid into the car in my coral maxi dress, dressed up as I always did for my baby appointments, he asked "So? Anything?" Feeling shaky and excited that I actually had news to share, I told him that our doctor said she thought I'd have the baby this weekend, a week before my due date. I was thrilled to have news about dilation and effacement and all those words that you begin hoping for in those last weeks but I also felt panic rise, mixed with doubt. Mentally, I wasn't ready yet. I felt normal, good even. I wasn't feeling "done" with pregnancy the way I hear women feel at the end. The next day was to be my last day of work before maternity leave and after that, I had planned a week to prepare for baby, for birth, for motherhood, for change.
In the car on the way to dinner I didn't call anyone with the news from the doctor appointment. Calling my bestie Kirra would just upset her for nothing; she was in CA and would worry that she wouldn't make it home in time. Calling my mom and Tiff would just create agitation and excitement needlessly, since I really didn't feel like the baby was coming. But at the same time, somewhere somehow in some part of me I must have known, because when Neal asked what errands I wanted to do after Chipotle I said, "Nothing. Let's just go home and watch a movie." Strange for me to suggest it, strange for him to agree to it, but it's what we did.
While I watched the lights of Seattle light the screen of the movie, I remember noticing the lights of Chicago slowly come on through our floor-to-ceiling corner windows in a sky not yet dark, but lit in a summer twilight kind of way. We never watch movies that early, and almost never on week nights. But there we were, and I will always remember how that night felt. Like our life took a slow, deep inhale while we held each other in the quiet of our home.
To be continued...
Posted by Ashley at 5:53 PM